Janus, Roman god of gates, doors, beginnings, endings and time
Think like… Janus:
The ultimate clipboard-brandishing security guard, Janus, Roman god of gates, doors, beginnings, endings and time itself, is something of a handful. Given that his name is the direct root of janitor (and January), you might think he would be perfect for that role — and you’d be right. But he’s got a lot to offer besides wandering around performing basic security and door-checking functions.
As one of the most powerful gods in the pantheon, and the one in charge of time, he can be incredibly useful when, say, running late for a meeting. Just give Janus a call and he’ll alter the time. As a special favour he might also turn back the clock in order for you to erase that particularly embarrassing thing you did involving your boss and a bottle of Tequila at the Christmas party.
He will have issues being managed — what with being a god and all — and will probably insist on the occasional sacrifice and having a temple rather than the normal desk space. But his biggest problem around the office is that he is literally two-faced, which will not make him popular. Colleagues, however, miss the point. This gives him the ability to look both forwards and backwards at the same time, which in the business world is surely a valuable skill.
IT is probably the best place for Janus these days. He’s not as big a name as some of his colleagues in other departments (Jupiter, Mars, Diana, Mercury etc) but he holds all the keys and nothing gets done without him. And again, the two faces thing makes working with clients out of the question.
If he is your janitor, be careful how you treat him. Fire him and his vengeance will be mighty. Certainly mightier (if not as impressive) than the dismissed janitor at my school who used weed killer to write a terrifically rude message to the headmaster in eight-foot letters on the front lawn. Janus, one imagines, will simply get down to some serious smiting.